Live or Survive

Do you like waking up early in the morning, stretching out, going to the balcony, taking in deep breath of fresh air, and hear the sweet chirping sound of the birds? Peaceful and calm right? No. Not actually. The birds are looking for food, gulping down worms and insects, fighting with each other, for partners, territory and what not. Anything but sweet. This is because, the life in animal kingdom is governed by three entities: "Food", "Mate" and "Territory". But don't be grossed out, this is how the planet itself, from its very inception, has been designed to work. In fact, you, right here, right now, are a part of the same process.

These are not my words. I am not presenting my own theory here. This is all just rewording Darwin's theory of Natural Selection. Survival of the fittest, that the ultimate goal of every living organism on this planet is to make sure their own DNA is carried forward. On the other hand, nature wants to select only the best strand DNA. And this is where all the competition creeps in.

Fortunately, we live in a civilized society and we don't have to fight for our food. But we do have to compete to earn money, which is basically the same. Fights for acquiring a partner? That's pretty common. And fights for territory or property? Let's not even talk about that.

And this my friends, is the very reason driving our lives right now. We want to be a good public speaker, obviously for social and financial benefits. We want to be leaders of our teams or companies, earn more money, live a better life, make a better life for our children. Everything ultimately, one way or other, will trickle down to the one and only goal: "survival".

But is that all humanity has to offer? Is it really so ruthless and selfish? Forgive me for painting such a sad and violent picture till now. There are actually aspects of human life that Darwin's theories fail to comprehend. We like listening to music, for no apparent survival benefits. We help strangers whom we would never meet again. We fall in love with dogs and cats and birds. We go climbing mountains, intentionally lowering our chances of survival. And we humans, also come to Toastmasters club meetings just to make a fool out of ourselves.

It'd be a logically incorrect advice, but I must say this. Don't spend your entire lifetime chasing the three golden entities "Food", "Mate" or "Territory". Because we're meant to live, not only survive.

From Home to Room - an Essential Journey

Imagine yourself sitting in a flight. You just buckled in your seat belt. The cabin lights are being dimmed for takeoff. You take out your mobile and quickly type in a last Whatsapp message. 

"Hi Mom. I'm taking off. See you in 6 hrs". 

Your destination is your own home. Is there any other feeling that is so relaxing and exciting at the same time?

Ladies and gentlemen, let's dedicate our next 5 mins to the journey almost every one of us has to take, a journey of leaving behind our own homes. It's a rite of passage, of sacrifice yet achievements, riddled with fear yet excitement. Of letting go yet new discoveries.

It was July 2017, approximately one and a half years back from today. I had just collected my provisional pass certificate of M.Tech from NIT Agartala. Also the call letter of Amdocs. I had like a month to spare waiting for the joining date to be communicated. There wasn't much to do. Life was fun in a lazy way. Like running on 1% CPU. This is 3rd of July, morning 8:30 am, I am still in bed, trying to get another 5 mins of sleep. I could hear mom in the kitchen, shouting at me to get up among the sound of utensils and the sweet yet sharp smell of the food being cooked. Seemed like the maid had just swept the floor and she had forgot to turn the fan back on. No choice but to get up. Eyes half shut, I search for my mobile and start clearing the notifications. One email notification makes me stop. It read "Amdocs Joining Date and On-boarding Process" - Sanjay Dcosta. I pause for a moment to fully open my eyes and quickly click  it. I was happy. I jump down from bed and run to the kitchen. "Mom! Amdocs has mailed with final joining date". Mom greeted me with a smile. "Wow. When is it?". I said "17th of this month". She calmly said "Very good. When would you leave for Pune?".  It was at that moment reality struck me. And it struck very hard. Felt like everything blurred and the voices faded for a moment. I bunch of tangled thoughts came up in my head "I will be leaving? Leaving my home? Where I have been for last 24 years? I would forever me a guest at my own home from now? What about that chair in the corner of the dining table, I don't remember having my dinner without sitting there. Who would play with our dog after dinner every night? Who would smuggle biscuits for the cat? The cold early morning breeze on the terrace, the sunshine in our balcony, the one legged sparrow that visited every evening. How would I be able to live without all of these?". My systems hanged.

Brain.exe is not responding. Would you like to restart the process?

"YES".

Everything loads again and I could hear mom saying "Better start packing soon. I will make you some laddoos for the journey".

Fast forward to present day. 
I now have a 1 BHK room that I call my home. 
I have a chair and a computer table where I have my dinner every night. 
I have befriended three dogs who stay in my society and go walking with them after dinner. 
I don't have a terrace here, but the balcony does have sunshine in the morning. There's an one legged pigeon which visits me regularly. I recently bought a bag of rice for it. 
I have started to love my Room here.

This transition is like switching your laptop after 2 years of usage. At first all our files are spread around. Things are working perfectly, but we don't know how. We've forgotten how they were actually set up. It is when we are forced to clear our hard drives and move to a new laptop that we realize the difference between important files and files that are just there, never opened and taking up disk space. Apps that we never bothered using, photo backups that we forgot even existed. This is when we learn to streamline our dependencies, optimize our requirements and learn to use the cloud for better productivity. We learn to live on WiFi rather than fixed Ethernet.

Till date I have visited my home 3 times. Thrice as the guest I feared to be. There's a different kind of happiness in going back as a guest. Of course not to mention the huge number of home made delicious dishes you get to enjoy everyday. Being associated with a big company and working in critical projects has its benefits too. It broadens our horizons and thinking space. I met a few of my college buddies who were launching a small startup in my hometown. When they asked for technical help, I was glad I could help them without breaking a sweat. It was like my brain was running on 16 GB of RAM instead of 8 GB from one year back. I , at that moment, was confident that leaving my home for a rented room wasn't a bad decision at all.

Love your home, keep it and its members very close to your heart. But don't let the geographic distance be a hindrance to your journeys exploring new opportunities and going new places.

Time and Tide, wait for some

The year is 2011, a few months past board exams. The rush of Joint Entrance exams on its peak, keeping every student on their toes. Few hours of exams deciding deciding careers and futures of numerous students. It was the date of Mathematics and Biology in PCB category. The 2nd half of Biology was going to start in 5 mins. Students were busy taking their seats and getting ready. Now or never she said to herself. Turned back and asked him "Are you good in Biology?".
He was busy arranging pen and paper. He stopped and looked towards her "Not much, why?", he replied, a bit surprised and curious.
"Please help me a little, I am not good in this subject", she said, with a smile.
"OK, sure", he assured and smiled back.

The exam was of 3 hours, 4th and last one since the two day long 12 hours exam marathon.
Halfway through the exam, carefully avoiding the invigilator's sight she whispered. "Hey!" 

Surprisingly he was very quick to notice - "Yes?"

A few questions and answers were exchanged, strictly limited to mitochondria (unfortunately), and that was all.

At the end of the exam she wanted to say thanks, but the room was too crowded to find him. She made sure to wait an extra few mins for the crowd to disperse.

He was slowly walking out through the corridor with the crowd, trying to be slower than the rushing crowd, hoping it'd extend the chances of walking into her somewhere. But destiny hadn't planned on the "Thank You" exchange so soon. They saw each other, but only at the last moment when both of them were leaving with their parents, and a smile was the only thing that was exchanged.


Fast forward 5 years later, he asks her, "I still don't understand why you said you are not good in Biology".

She laughed, "Obviously I was. I don't know how I became a doctor, I wanted to be an engineer. You seem to remember that day pretty well?", she asks with a smirk.

He goes a bit defensive, trying to prove that his memory is in fact sharp by default. "Of course I do, you asked me three MCQs, none of which I was sure about. I issued a disclaimer : Please take my answer at your own risk, I'm not confident."

She said, "Thank god I took the initiative of starting the conversation, you were sitting there for 9hrs without saying anything and the last 3 hours were going to pass too", in a slight scolding voice.

He tries to confess with a sarcastic excuse, "I'm not used to having good looking girls sitting in front of me in exams. So not familiar with the concept of initiating conversations. But I did specifically check out your name on the attendance sheet after that.".

She started laughing. "Oh poor fellow. Is that why you remembered my name for long?". 

"No, actually I wanted to check your result and see if you cleared medical entrance or not. In case you sued me for those three wrong answers. But after seeing your rank, I was wondering why you had lied", he said imitating a fake suspicious look.

Not used to compliments about herself, she felt shy. Looking away she said "Believe me I was never really good in Biology".

He continued "And I did try to get in find you, checked in Facebook, found that you didn't have an account, which reinforced the fact that you were actually a studious girl."

She smiled "That's some serious investigation you carried out. How did you find me after one year?"

He shrugged his shoulders "Just intuition... Anyone who is studying in medical is bound to come in touch with Facebook at some point. Should take one year at most....", he paused for a bit thinking deeply "But you know, if you actually did have an account already, I probably would have never sent a friend request... ever!"

"Why so??" she looked surprised.

"Because that would look too desperately stupid and would be stalking!!" he laughed. "Instead, sending the request after one year, is a very decent thing to do, right?"

"Only problem is, by that time the girl will probably have a boyfriend", she added.

"Well, that's not a bad thing entirely" he smiled.

Why you shouldn't feel shy about speaking your own language.

Let nobody tell you that your language is not a good language.
It is nothing but stereotyping and propaganda when some people say one language is superior than another.

When we speak informal Bengali, it's considered derogatory, even by our own people. But when people in America and Europe go informal, it's  prestigiously termed as 'accent'.

I mean what the hell? RIP logic .

Dawn to Dusk - Part V. The Nightfall

It was the summer of 2011, probably July. Season of Entrance exams and admissions. Everyone was busy with these things, especially the parents, more than the students.

Everywhere you go, you'd find admission forms, college prospects and never ending list of entrance tests and their acronyms. Next time you come across one, if you notice, you'd find that private colleges always have a good looking girl on their ad, and some high reputed colleges would even go further and put on a good looking boy along with the girl, all of course, in a scenic background and good amount of PhotoShop enhancements. Wonder if they want to show off their campus or they imply you could find a similar girl there?

Coming back to the story, I was no exception, had decided not to go abroad and waste money and neither did my parents want to send me away. NIT Agartala and the state quota seemed the only viable option (though I'm strictly against any kind of quota stuff).

Everyone had pretty big expectations from me, due to good results during class 10 (just for bragging, I was 6th in NERIST NEC list, and 10th in NE in some random NLTSE exam conducted by some Vikas Institute :p ). And expectations, as always, brought bad luck to me.

Studying in NIT was always a kinda dream, everyone talked about it, it was where everyone wanted to be, something of national level, something like "bigger than yourself" stuff. Something which was not destined to be mine. I always had to travel the lonely road away from the crowd, and this time was no exception.

On the day of result, I found that I had missed the so called "state quota" by the marks equivalent of one question. Mom was asking me about the result, and I did not know what to tell. Cause I had not yet been into such situation where I told mom "No mom, I failed in that exam". Never before had I cried for something related to studies. It was one of the few things I was good at.
God knows what happened that it had to let me down, for the first time, when I needed it the most.

And yes, bad result is the least of your problems when your friends, who never got more marks than you in 12 years of school, get admitted into YOUR dream NIT. How? Well, that's another story.

I ended up getting admitted to Tripura Institute of Technology ,T.I.T instead of N.I.T, (well, FYI, it's more than just a difference of alphabets, but again, that's another story). Good thing was that my parents were liberal enough to let me take my subjects on my own wish, i.e. Computer Science, amongst all the negative comments by "well-wishers".

Though I started remaining a bit depressed and became kinda anti social from then on.

I hate sad endings, so just to finish on a good note, circumstances improved soon, which is again, "another story", actually the next part of the story, when this blog itself was born.

Following the "good" path, is it really worth it?

There are two types of students in these world, those whose aim of life is 'pre-exam suggestions' and those who sweat out their days trying to finish the whole syllabus manually.

Theoretically, the 2nd type is considered the 'good' ones and they are assured by the common dialogue "you'll gain the true knowledge, while those who read suggestions will only pass, but never do great things in life".
Sound assuring, but does practical life agree?

No, not necessarily... on the last day of academic session, no one will remember who studied xerox notes and who read the books. All that'd be visible would the better marks, not how they got it.
Yes, I sound hypocrite, but I've seen, seeing and will see such instances come true over and over again.

On the day of entrance exams, no one gives a damn if you are a good guy or genius student, all you gotta do is score the marks, no matter if you manage it from peeking over your shoulders, or tick some MCQ riding on your luck. Or you could just be a good guy, do the sums yourself and miss the answer by a whisker (yes, entrance exams' MCQ answers are set like that, all 4 answers will be so much alike that someone will get the wrong ans by a silly mistake in last step, while someone will reach the right answer by doing the whole process wrong)

I don't mean everyone cheats, but yes, the option is as much viable as studying hard.

There was a time when the proverbs were formulated, people were simple and innocent and the world was much simpler a place to live in...and there's this present world, which is a quite different scenario. It's pretty hard to decide if those proverbs still hold good, they need to be modified, or discarded altogether.

Maybe today the "Survival of the fittest" is a more important concept, and we need to adapt to the changes. But do we really have to stop following the good path to be fittest? Or is our definition of "good" and "bad" is flawed itself?

Given that Darwin's theory can't be disproven, I will just stick to my concept of "good" and carry on hoping to discover something new in the concept of "fittest"

2012 : An year worth looking back to

I really shouldn't be writing a blogpost at this hour with an exam on the next day, that too of Maths..but I felt it'd be too rude to let the year end without dedicating something to it, coz it has been the most amazing year of my life so far.

It gave me back the passion on my ideas, made me believe that luck doesn't always betray me, assured me that cracking entrance exams isn't the only thing to achieve :p and showed me the kingdom where I can rule.

2011, on the other hand, had ended on a seriously bad note, and I had wished that I don't have to face such a year again. And probably, to balance it, God followed it up with a treat.

Remarkable things achieved in this year :
1. This blog and my stories, always dreamt of writing such stuffs. :)
2. My first official application development and being recognised internationally. ^_^
3. First income, which has soared to amazing figures now :D
4. Winning competitions from Qt Devnet, Maemo community, Intel, Marmalade and BlackBerry that got my room filled with gadgets :p
5. Realizing that the perfect girl doesn't really exist :/
6. Finally getting the subjects I love, in actual academic syllabus :)
7. Getting some generous people as friends at the college , which I thought I could never accept as my own.
8. Making few great friends via twitter who helped me in developing apps.

Well, I was trying to make a list about the bad aspects too, but let's not stir up bad memories right now.

And whoever made this routine in college with Maths exam on 1st January, Karma will take its toll on him/her.

Happy New Year and thanks for reading my blog :)